This one's personal - and all about change (Part 1)

When I told Mr. Green about what had happened the other night, his reaction was:

“Annie, it’s unbelievable. I’ve never heard of anything like this happening, especially not overnight.”  

I reminded him that it hadn’t happened ‘overnight’, that it had happened instantaneously. He choked out a dry little cough of the inexpressible:  

“I know. I heard you. I was trying to give you the benefit of ‘overnight’. Instantaneous is … incomprehensible.”

To keep this blog going, I’ve had to write about pretty much whatever’s going on in my life. It’s a special bonus if it’s related to my effort to get The Louise Log out to a wider audience but I don’t always have something newsworthy.

What happened the other night was so personal that I’ve been hesitating to write about it here. Thinking that maybe it’ll be worthwhile for someone else, I’m forging ahead.

As anyone who’s ever watched an episode of The Louise Log might imagine, a lack of self-confidence, has been the bane of my existence. I’ve tried ignoring it and acting as if I feel sure of myself, I’ve tried affirmations, I’ve read every self-help book that ever caught my eye, I’ve gone to psychics, I’ve gone to therapy, I consult the I Ching and The Runes. It all helps.

But it’s all felt like band-aids: I’m a broken person pretending to be okay.

(Trying to keep this blog to 250 words so please check back on Wednesday. And please don't hesitate to click on the 'Like' button under the photograph for something instant and delicious ...  If you want to Share, please hit the 'Share' button right next to the 'Like'. Thank you!  \o/ )

Me at about five years old.

Me at about five years old.

Go Big or Go Bust: Day 168 (this is hard being naked (figuratively))

I sat down to lunch with Mr. Green this afternoon and announced "GAME OVER." 

I feel like I'm not doing this right.  I want to pull it off.  I want to do a bang-up job of being naked in front of the world.  (figuratively)   I want to keep up my end of things on social media.  And in fact, this attempt to be open is probably exactly the therapy I need to counteract my childhood.  But--

Mudd keeps pointing out to me that all the stuff in Louise's head, in her voiceovers, is what has to come out of my head and onto the page.   "THAT'S the stuff!" 

Yeah yeah yeah fine.  Easy for you to say, Miss Mudd. 

Maybe today is especially hard because one of the psychics specifically pointed out: "JULY 6: YEAH.  All great"  

And?  I've been in tears, I've wasted time.  And I hurt someone's feelings. 

Tomorrow is another day.  In the meantime, there's tonight.