4.6.08 Drained beyond drained last night after the shoot. Wrung OUT. So relieved that we'd made it through and gotten all the shots but couldn't give myself the pleasure of feeling satisfied and relaxed. To bed at ten and couldn't sleep. Plagued by thought that didn't get a good enough reaction shot when Louise and the kids walk in and find Phineas on the floor. X suggested that I might want to direct the kids' EYES, tell them where to LOOK. Felt like such an amateur, wanted to shout: "Do you have any idea how many things I'm trying to think about??"
4.8.08 Why do I give these people power over me? People who are not as smart or as deep as I am-- why do I even care about what they think??
4.10.08 Episode #4 had such good clear conflict. We need that in every episode- strong conflict which makes clear what Louise wants. What does she want in this one?
4.13.08 Gotta start practicing on Final Cut Pro, organize auditions for #8, write the end of #7. Feeling sweaty and headachey. Who has the energy for yoga? J and her friend A came over and stayed too long. Totally drained. I don't know how to say: "Okay, I'm so glad you came but now I have to get back to work."
4.15.08 Feels like #4 was uploaded YEARS ago. Maybe #5 is so many headaches cause it's varied, outside to inside, and back out again. Three new characters. It's practically a road movie. Or "Moses Crosses the *Desert*" (AKA Seventh Avenue)
4.16.08 Got mixed up and deleted whole bunch of files which seemed to be duplicated on internal hard drive. Wiped them off the external hard drive and realized that I'd deleted them - from everywhere... all the camera files for the first four episodes. Wanted to scream (and shoot myself). Also did the full yoga thing yesterday for the first time in at least ten days and now legs feel like they're separating from torso.
4.17.08 Does Louise come off as not really loving her kids?