gift of limitations

Go Big or Go Bust: Day 96 (on the gift of limitations)

A young mother phoned today, overwhelmed by a huge internal pressure.  She wants to and (in her mind's eye) should already be doing her life's work as an artist.  And this even though she is raising two young children and isn't totally sure of the medium she wants to work in.

The years (ahem) the decades of my identical frustration came flooding back, the nagging, gnawing misery.  My inability to sufficiently split my focus as a mother (in order to get traction as an indie feature film maker) had discouraged me to the point that I finally let go of my dream. 

Becoming willing to stoop to something that was in the realm of possibility was the hardest step of all.  I guess I could make short videos with a camcorder...  (This was at a time when no self-respecting filmmaker was uploading their work to YouTube, a channel known mostly for videos of dogs on skateboards.) 

When I finally saw Da Ali G Show and Bon Qui Qui at King Burger my pulse raced.  Why not make short funny videos for YouTube with a camcorder?  And do it at your own pace, with no pressure, time or financial.  And continue to be a mother as much as you need and want. 

Seven years later, I look back with gratitude on this unwanted gift, the gift of being broken by a failure which forced me to start where I was with what I had.