Go Big or Go Bust: Day 39 (on jealousy)

This photograph has long been balm on the raw wound of my jealousy, but I was happy to read Wikipedia's definition of jealousy just now and to discover that "It has been observed in infants five months and older."  Whatt. 

Sophia Loren and Jayne Mansfield    Credit: Joe Shere/mptvimages.com 

Sophia Loren and Jayne Mansfield   Credit: Joe Shere/mptvimages.com 

With all my life experience, that's a fact I couldn't have imagined. 

Rolling back time, back to the turn of the century, when I was rewriting one script for what felt like an eternity, I was regularly overwhelmed with jealousy.  So many, many artists, and (by my count) less-deserving artists, seemed to be reaping the very rewards of success I longed for.  Meanwhile my work languished, under the radar or unrealized and me with it, unrecognized.  It was a horrible period. 

I got a break from the horror while making The Louise Log.  So much to do, there was hardly time to sleep much less to feel jealous. 

And then suddenly, yesterday, the old fear invaded: my work and I are doomed to obscurity. It's just not going to happen.  This is my fate.  It must be my karma.

Luckily I happened to see my friend Danusia.  She suggested that the best antidote to jealousy is to get back to work, that it passes.  'Eventually', I thought.  'WHEN', I asked, tossing and turning through the night, deciding every hour on the hour that I've HAD it with this blog.  Day 39 is enough already, it's a waste of time.  

And so, this morning, like every morning, (almost every morning) I started my brain drain, free-writing, three sides of a page. Pen to paper, I started complaining "So tired...etc.".  And not twenty minutes into it, BOOM, there was an idea for a series of very short, possibly hilarious videos that I think you're going to love