Go Big or Go Bust: Day 35 (on going deeper with Lynn Kreaden)

One of the cringe-worthy memories of my childhood was my mother's effort to motivate us: "Move along and accomplish!"  I'm not sure what she wanted us to do, probably clean our rooms, but my heart was set on eating another box of eskimo pies and doing more cartwheels.  I was in the moment, crazed by too much sugar / hyper-activity and fairly (if not totally) unconscious.

Apparently, my mother's words eventually got to me though, and so, at college I became *result-oriented*.  Fearing that my future would hold the three-part death sentence of filing cabinets, fluorescent lights and pantyhose, I spent four years trying very hard to be a good student.  After college, the focus shifted to trying very hard to be a great artist.   

Fast forward to the 21st century, I was now trying very hard to be a great mother and to somehow keep a hand in the great artist game.  In retrospect it sounds like a downer version of the eskimo pie and cartwheel epoch: I was overwhelmed by motherhood and going crazy with my unending attempt to write a second feature script.  A friend recommended that I see Lynn Kreaden:  "She's crazy intuitive and she reads what's blocking your energy.  You can talk to her and she listens but what she does is way more than 'therapy'."

I made an appointment and trooped up to her office and went back a number of times.  I didn't go every week or even every month but, from the first moment, I trusted Lynn and felt clearer and more connected to myself after seeing her.  She always wore extremely comfortable-looking velour sweatpants and sweatshirts and was into feeling delicious.  I wore a leather motorcycle jacket and tight jeans.  At one of the sessions, Lynn remarked that I had something like a thick steel plate over my heart.  A whattt?  Huh?  She said that we were dissolving it.  

A few months before starting on The Louise Log, Lynn held a weekend workshop with about ten men and women I'd never met before.  Even with Lynn leading the group, I felt a little threatened but it turned out to be interesting ... and even fun. (!)  And then, on the last day we met our 'guides'.  I ended up having a mind-blowing experience, hearing things no one else in the room could hear.